What do you need to do to achieve your goals in life? How do you cope with your problems? Deficiency needs would include physiological, safety, love/belonging, and esteem needs. Deficiency is a lack or shortage of something essential to health. Therefore, if you’re missing one of those four needs, it would hurt your health. This is the reason why they’re called deficiency needs. These are not what you need to receive happiness. You cope by using coping mechanisms also known as ego defense mechanisms. Within your mind you have 3 main parts: the id, ego, and super ego. The i is like the devil on your shoulder only worrying about what you want. The super ego is like the angel on shoulder worrying about others and always wanting you to do the right thing. Then the ego balances these guys out, so your coping mechanisms are also known as your ego defense mechanisms. These help you cope , but you will quickly find that some people need them more than others. What is that goal that everyone wants? Happiness is that goal. In order to be truly happy, you need to find your being needs. These include morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of facts. To me it seems that the more confused about life someone is the less being needs they have and the more ego defense mechanisms they need. In order to show you how these things truly work in life, I will analyze three fictional characters. Happiness is the true goal in life, yet none of these three characters can seem to reach this because they are all missing some of their needs causing them to be slightly off from the common person. These three characters, Sammy the creeper, Michael Patchetti, the shy, and Mary, the lost, have poor super egos. They only care about themselves making their lives a harder and causing them to be lonely. This loneliness can also be reflected in the fact that these characters do not have all of their deficiency needs. This causes them to not have self actualization leading them to live a life with no happiness.
Sammy is a very creepy, confused, and lost person. Therefore so he has no B-needs. This causes him to be depressed, lonely, and scared. Sammy’s story takes place at an A&P. A&P is a small, little market in a small little town. This market survives because it is 5 miles away from the beach. Sammy is a 19 year old working at A&P. He takes no pride in his work and is most likely going to end up in the town he is in for the rest of his life. This is shown because he is working in a little market in the town, and when he quits, Lengel, his boss and a friend of Sammy’s parents, says, “Sammy, you don’t want to do this to your mom and dad” (The Modern Tradition, Updike 704). When Lengel says this, I assumed Sammy had gotten the job because his parents had talked to Lengel, or Lengel just felt obligated to allow Sammy to work there because he is good friends with Sammy’s parents. Sammy’s basically a 19 year old guy out of high school who needed help from his parents to get a job working in a little mini market located in his small town. Just observing his background, you wouldn’t think there is to much wrong with Sammy. You can tell his parents weren’t to hard on him while he was growing up, so Sammy had just ended up making some poor choices. These held him back from going places in life. You can tell he wants to be successful because of the envy he showed for the rich people that had entered the store. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs can help us figure out why Sammy is so creepy and depressed. Sammy, as you can tell in this story, has all of his physiological needs. This pertains to breathing, food, water, and sleep. He also seems to have most of his safety needs. In the reading, you can infer that he is basically still living off of his parents. As you get higher on Maslow’s hierarchy, you start to notice things missing. Sammy, in the love & belonging section only has his parents from the story, and one friend, yet showing no sexual intimacy. As you start noticing when Sammy creeps on younger girls. Sammy does have Esteem or at least self-esteem and confidence. He is still missing Achievement, respect of others, and respect by others. You can tell Sammy has self-esteem and confidence, when he says, “but it seems to me that once you begin a gesture it’s fatal not to go through with it” (TheModern Tradition, Updike 701). I mean the guy just straight quit his job for some girls, that takes some confidence. But he as nothing to show for achievement, respect of others, or respect by others. Sammy is 19 years old and has been working in a mini market; before quitting his jobs for some girls I doubt he has any achievement. Then Sammy really doesn’t respect any one; he just really doesn’t care about anyone else. I mean he quit his job because his boss in-forced some fair rules upon some girls. Which only shows how little respect he had for others because it hurt his family. Him actually quitting his job shows how undeveloped his mind is for he literally displays little to no super ego. I mean he knew that quitting the job would hurt his parents, but the Id still won because of Sammy’s selfish pride. This pride would not allow him to take back the gesture in which he had already started enforcing. Now back to Maslows hierarchy of needs, the last level of the hierarchy of needs would be the Self-Actualization level. This is the level a person would need to reach in order to have received happiness. Happiness is the true goal in life if not the only one. It’s hard to reach this level on Maslows hierarchy of needs, if you have not first finished reaching all of D-needs. In which Sammy has not. There fore he has little to no B needs. So back to Sammy’s Id, Ego and Super Ego although Sammy has a lot more Id than Super Ego, he still tries to cope with ego defense mechanisms though. The 3 main defense mechanism Sammy uses to cope would be displacement, denial and suppression. Sammy uses displacement to quit his job. He does not like the A&P, or the way it makes him feel it causes him to feel depressed; seeing people who are free going in and out getting stuff to have fun at the beach. When Sammy sees these girls he gets fed up with this feeling. So he uses the girls as an excuse to quit his job, therefore redirecting his intense emotion from its real object onto Lengel. When he actually just does not like his job. Proving that Sammy uses displacement as one of his defense mechanisms. Sammy also uses denial right when he quits his job when Lengel says, “Sammy you don’t want to do this to your mom and dad”( Updike The Modern Tradition 702). Because although he knows he actually does not want to do this to his mom and dad, he was too proud to admit it. Refusing to accept reality because it was to threatening, or as Sammy says “fatal no to go through with it” (The Modern Tradition ,Updike 698). Sammy uses these to keep him from looking like a fool. Then the last defense Mechanism Sammy uses is Suppression, which he displays when he is quitting his job as Lengel says, “you’ll feel this for the rest of your life,” at the time Sammy thinking to himself, “I know thats true, too, but remembering how he made that pretty girl blush makes me so scrunchy inside” (The Modern Tradition, Updike 703). so Sammy uses suppression to push out the thoughts he thinking in his mind in order to cope with the present reality. Because latter on in the story he says, “my stomach kind of fell as I felt how hard the world was going to be hereafter” (The Modern Tradition, Updike 699). Showing how using suppression to deal with present reality was a bad I idea for Sammy. So after analyzing Sammy, think you can determine Sammy is socially acceptable. He is just a 19 year old who is a creepy bad decision making dude, therefore making his life worse and worse. Starting out in the beginning of the story with a job, then ending up with no job and some angry parents. Showing that without learning to mature your super ego you will be doomed to fail at life.
Michael Pechetti is a very shy, low esteemed and friendless person causing him to be unhappy and leads up to him skipping school. Michael had recently dropped out of school because of the death of his dog. Now he wants to go back to school where he is forced to see a counselor. This is because he says he didn’t go to school because he was unhappy rather than just lying, and tell them that he was sick or something. Michael is an unhappy boy who is searching for happiness, the end of the short story reads, “Find the value for n such that n plus everything else in your life makes you feel alright. What would n equal? Solve for n”(Homework, Cameron 155). Michael is a rather big fan of math. When Michael is home from school the only thing that keeps him from going crazy is doing math problems. But why is Michael unhappy? Going back to Maslow hierarchy of needs, one could see Michael has all of his Physiological, safety, and some of his Love/belonging needs. Michael’s parents love him, but other than that Michael honestly has no true friends. Which you start to notice as the story goes on, Michael had been out of school for a week and no one came to check up on him. Also he is missing school for a week because of the death of his dog, which is kind of through him over the edge. This as you can tell was because his dog was his best friend besides his sister whom he visits while she is working sometimes. Michael also has little to no self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, or respect by others. You notice this because Michael gets taken advantage of from his sister. You can see this when she says, “No a bath towel don’t be stupid” (Homework, Cameron 153). Is this example, Michael after being told this by his sister does not stand up for him self, but instead actually gets his sister a bath towel. Michael not standing up for himself reveals how little self-esteem he has. Without Love/belonging and Esteem, Michael hardly has any Self-Actualization which one must have in order to gain their happiness. You see Michael is depressed, lonely, and has little to no self esteem which holds him back from getting self-actualization. Michael’s Id, Ego and Super ego also comes into play showing another reason he has no happiness. Michael has no friends, so he always uses his Id to make most decisions such as skipping school. Michaels decisions only involve three people his mother, father, and sister which is just depressing. Michael also has little super ego, which you can tell not only through the fact that he is skipping school but also through little things. Such as locking his bicycle to a pole which infuriates his father. He doesn’t believe in locking up things in his own house. This shows Michael could care less about others, for he knows he can basically do whatever he wants because his dog had just died, and everyone felt bad for him. Then in another sense Michael still does have some super ego; instead of fighting with his sister over the eggs he just let her have them trying not to cause problems. I also believe he feels closest to his sister. Now Michaels ego is a little tricky, but eventually he does decided to go back to school because his ego finally accepts the fact that staying at home wouldn’t make him feel better. Michaels ego defense mechanisms are used to cope with his present reality. These would include displacement, reaction formation, and dislocation. Displacement is shown in Michaels life, because Michael obviously directs his unhappiness because he has low esteem and no friend towards the death of his dog. He does this because the dog is perceived as less offensive, meaning its socially acceptable to be sad because of the death of you dog. But this was not actually why Michael was sad it was just what he told people because they could relate to that. This is shown when Michael thinks to himself, “I wish everyone would stop talking about dogs. I can’t tell how sad I really am about Keds versus how sad I am in general” (Homework, Cameron 148). Meaning Michael is sad in general but decides to put it all on the dog to cope with his sadness. Another defense Mechanism used by Michael would also be denial which he uses when arguing with his sister about the eggs. As Michael ask his mom to make him some eggs he sadly finds out that his sister was using them . Although his mother offered to take the eggs from her Michael says, “I don’t want eggs” (Homework, Cameron 147). He used Denial to refuse to accept reality because it was to threatening, and he did not want to start an argument. So instead ,he acted as the bigger person and denied ever wanting the eggs rather than causing trouble. The last ego defense Mechanism used by Michael would be dislocation. Which is disconnecting from the real world for a time and living in a different world that is not cluttered with thoughts. This disconnection Michael has with the world is in the world of math. Which is because in math you always have an answer, and Michael enjoys this because the pain he has been recently feeling he does not have an answer to. So he does math problems, so he can focus on something else other than life because of everything recently going on. In General, Michael is a somewhat normal kid just like Sammy but is also unhappy like Sammy. Michael just has a lot on his mind, so with little friends life is more hard for Michael, and to be able to cope with this he needs to take a break from life at times. In order to do this he uses the excuses of his dogs death to get out of school; although in the end he does go back.
Mary the lost, is a girl who loses herself within her imagination. Her parents weren’t getting along at home causing her to want something stable like soldiers to hold on to, and although she wasn’t happy in reality she seemed happy in her own little world. Everyday, Marry goes under the bridge and plays in her clay pit to many it would seem. But really to her she was controlling a little army leading them through exercises and ordering them around. As Mary would seem tom boyish her inner lady eventually shows up, for she likes everything to be clean and goes crazy if something is not perfect. This could be reflected on her life at home which seems unstable because her parents do not appear very attached to each other anymore. They go against each other, Mary’s father tries to get Mary to stay out of the pit, while Mary’s mother just lets her go and do whatever she wants. This is the problem in which I conclude set Mary apart from the other kids and causes her little fantasy problem. So going back to the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, all Marry has is her Physiological needs which causes her to be a little more out of it than Sammy or Michael. Mary does not have any of her safety, love/belonging, or Esteem needs also leading to her loss of self actualization. You see Mary does not feel safe; she is a ten year old who fears her parents leaving each other. But she puts all of the blame on her father. This you could possibly notice when she says, “all at once she had had fear that by looking into her eyes the soldiers might divine her fathers existence” (A stick of Green Candy, Browels 425). This is because she dislikes her father. Most likely because her father is probably the one leaving the mother. You see it is obvious that the father cares a lot about Mary because he is always worried about her and wants Mary to play with the other kids. Marry uses this to dislike her father because to her this seems that he is mean, for he is the only one who disciplines her. So Mary feels no security because of her parents. Although Mary knows that her father is probably the one leaving her mother, and she hates him for it, she still wants him to stay which is shown when the story reads “when she realized he was gone, she held her breath” (A stick of Green Candy, Browels 426). She expected her heart to leap for joy, but it did not. She doesn’t actually hate her father; she just doesn’t feel safe because she thinks he might leave causing her to be mad at him. Having no security also leads to missing Love/belonging, Esteem, and self actualization. For love and belonging, she does like her parents, but she avoids all the other kids who are playing on the play ground. Mary would rather make up her own family of soldiers who she said where the same as her because they had no family. For esteem, I think Mary does show confidence when she walks into a strangers household. But Mary is missing the part where she respects and is respected by others. She doesn’t respect others like her father who she does not listen to, and could care even less about everyone else. Mary has no self actualization, missing safety, love/belonging and most of esteem. For Mary, she is completely all Id, she does not care about anyone else. This may be because of her age, but Mary has spunk. Marry does not listen to her parents and repetitively ignores her dad when he tells her not to play in the clay pit. But what shows Mary’s Id the most is when she just walks into a strangers house just to prove her point. Mary obviously has little to no super ego. She has never second guessed herself and is loaded with complete determination and confidence in her actions. Then Mary’s ego doesn’t really do anything, I think Mary’s ego is completely over run by her Id which is most likely because of her age. Mary uses a lot of ego defense mechanisms though including fantasy, repression, and sublimation. She uses these to cope with her life. Fantasy is used by Mary in order for her to make an alternate reality with imaginary soldiers who she trains. She does this because the real world for her becomes to painful, difficult, and stressful, due to the issues going on with her mother and father. She basically feels like she has no family. Repression is then used by Mary to block out the thoughts of her father and mother not getting along. Although she does this unconsciously it can be proven through some examples in the story. For example, when she said, “I am like the soldiers because like them I have no family” (A stick of Green Candy, Browels 430). Showing that her family life is kind of sketchy at the moment. She uses the fact of her parents not being there unconsciously, which showed up in her fantasy world although she may not notice it. The third and last ego defense Mechanism used by Mary would be sublimation. Marry uses sublimation to take the lecture that her father gives her, and instead of taking it to the heart. She thinks to herself that it could have been worse. Pushing that lecture into a more positive outlet, yet also making her care less about others. But at that certain time it helped her cope causing the lecture to not show any effect on her. Mary overall is basically just a little kid having trouble with her life at home. Her parents aren’t getting along very well. Marry over exaggerated this a little, and this makes her feel as if she had no family. This causes her to make a fantasy of her own, which also pushes her away from the normal kids at school. Although Marry has little super ego she is only around ten years old and isn’t really put up to those expectations yet.
Happiness is the true goal in life, yet none of these 3 characters can seem to reach this because their all missing some of their needs causing them to be slightly off from the common person. These three characters, Sammy the creeper, Michael Pattchetti the shy, and Mary the lost have poor super egos. They only care about themselves making their lives harder and causes them to be lonely. This lonesomeness can also be reflected on the fact that these characters do not have all of their defency needs therefore causing them not to have self actualization leading them to a life with no happiness. These character’s also have different strengths and weakness and they have different ways of coping with their problems. Mary and Michael Pattechttie have similar problems because there both depressed about something.. Although you can tell their also still very different because ones older than the other, and they have different ways of coping with their problems but they are still very similar. Sammy on the other hand just has very poor instant gratification, meaning he cant wait for things. Two examples of this are he’s already done with school and he quit his job after seeing some cute girls. So all three of these characters are very lonely and sad. All because they could not require their deficiency needs, holding them back from getting there being needs. If they happened to receive this they would be lead to happiness. These people have very different stories and use different forms of ego defense mechanisms. But one thing they do have in common is that their unhappy. Unhappy people don’t have balanced id, ego, and super ego defense mechanisms causing them to make poor choices. If you want to receive true happiness in life you need to get all of your deficiency and being needs, have a good ego to balance out your Id, and super ego. So use your ego defense mechanisms to your advantage and you will receive happiness.
Crazy Ex Girlfriends2
Starting college in 1945, with my black corvette being 6’2” and totally jacked I was pretty gnarly bro, that year 2 of the most memorable girls I dated would have to been these two crazy roommates. Both of there names where Emily ironically and ive never dated an Emily since. Emily Vanderpoel also known Emma was from Adams, Colorado, she had a lot of spunk not many friends because of it but I at the time I kinda digged it. Her Roommate Emily peck Ryan Peck Ryan from from Norton, Oregon, was kinda shy and seemed a little depressed I dated her after Emma because after dating a really spunky girl I thought I’d try out one a little more mellow.
While dating Emma she usually complained about her parents and how unfair they where. She had two older siblings Jack and Stella and one younger Tess. I usually considered her the runt in her family. Although her parents didn’t seem to favor her from her understanding form my opinion they where just watching out for her. For example one time she was complaining about how her parents wont buy her a car even thought they had bought one for her two older siblings. She thought this was really unfair and avoids speaking to her parents because of it, I was kinda glad though because I knew she was a metal foot and isn’t that good driver. To me this kind correlated to her spunky attitude always trying to rush things, never thinking over a decision befor making it.
Emily on the other hand was her exact opposite she always over though everything and didn’t really have much emotion. She was a book nerd and love to write short stories herself. She has a diary which she writes all of her life stories in. I stole it one time and read a little bit of it but I had to stop because she started saying stuff about how her mother died and I found it really depressing. Emily has one sister who she envied greatly although she wouldn’t admit it. She always complained about her and how her father only loves her little sister and doesn’t care about her.
So dating Emma first I was kinda nervous I wasn’t really sure if I evened liked her but with her spunky attitude living life at such a high pace but you know sometimes you have to risk it to get the biscuit. So I went for her I guess dating her wasn’t that bad at first. She just had a hard time understanding who dominated the relationship which at first I found kinda attractive. Turned out it got old really quick. So one day I was chilling in her dorm room just hanging out waiting for her to get back because at the time she had went shopping with some friends. Then when the door opened I had just assumed it was her so I picked her up in my arms and started kissing her But it had turned out to be Emily which is when the problems started. Because when I noticed it was Emily it had got really awkward quick and she started freaking out not knowing who I was but I started explaing myself quick then she had just laughed. She said it was ok it was just on accident besides your pretty cute anyway so im no complaing.
Thankfully Emma got there soon and neither me or Emily said anything about what had just happened. Emma had got me some new cloths though when she went shopping. I checked it out and it wasn’t really my style but I said thank you anyway. Soon after me and Emma went to th movies and had a casually night and then I drove her home in my corvette which I loved more than anything at the time. She didnt understand why I would let her drive it thought that made her a little mad but she shook it off. The real problems started the next day.
So I wake it in the morning and wash my car and my phone starts ringing. It was my homie Saad who was super model, wasn’t the brightest dude but very popular he was in one of the groups who like know everything about everything. He asked me if I really cheated on Emma I was like what are you talking about, then he told me what he had heard. Ok so Emma had took a look at Emily diary and had read something about her kissing me. I was getting really nervous at the time cause I knew Emma was very spunky and wasnt the kinda of girl you could cheat on and actually get away with it.
At first I though Emma was going to come down to my place and start yelling and throwing things at me but thankfully she had blamed the whole thing on Emily for now. Then when you would think I was free to go the worse thing that could possibly happen happened. Emma slashed my tires and carved her name in the seat of my corvette that was it for me. I knew I had to get her back and get her good because no one hurts my baby. So I called up emilly and she came over to my place and we talked it over cause she wass upset with Emma to and also wanted to get her back. So the next day I brook up with Emma and started seeing Emily we didnt actually like eachother at first but as time went on we had gotten closer and closer. This outraged Emma though she actually went crazy she tried hooking with my friends, tried getting people to fight me and even tried to wreck my place. Emily had moved into my place by now because she was scared of Emma who had also tried getting to her. After that finally blew over thought things where normal for a while.
Then Emily tried to take me home for christmass to meet her father which really freaked me out I mean I liked her but I didnt want to meet her parents yet. Which I tried to explain to her but she just didnt understand. So I had to break up with her which made me feel really bad because she was already sorta depressed and only had a father. But I didnt know what else to do. So like befor history repeating itself Emily went to Emma place filled with tears by then most the girls I knew had heard what happened and where furious at me. I thought this would just blow over you know but when everyone came back fr Christmas break I was not safe I mean everyone hated me. Then it got worse and worse and more and more poelpe heard I broke up with her. Who knew that two girls could cause so much trouble for me.
So being a totally gnarly bro I did what any man would do. I sold everything in my place and droped out of college bought a guitar and drove to Vegas. Three years latter I got pretty famous or at least played good enough to make quite a living. But still to this day you will never see me with a Emily again